One more gathering with Grandma ... this time, to say goodbye

Madonna Nolan Cussans

10. 29.1918 - 1.13.2011

How do you say goodbye?

I've been struggling with that question for days. For months. I've been working on this blog posting since before Mother's Day. I type. I delete. I type. I delete. Nothing I write seems to do justice to the amazing life of my 92-year-old grandmother.

She died on January 13. And because she lived in northern Michigan with all its precarious weather, we decided to nix a traditional memorial service and opt for a summer celebration of life. She would have liked that. Her home, nestled on Crystal Lake, hosted many family gatherings over the years. So it seemed fitting that we all would meet for one last family reunion at her home.

What I didn't realize is how hard it would be to face the fact that she won't be there with us.

It's been a strange mourning process. She died in January, but because we haven't had any formal goodbye, I don't think I've fully embraced the fact that she won't be sitting at her kitchen table, reading the paper, waiting for us to arrive.

On Saturday, I will have my chance to properly mourn the fact that my grandma is gone, but also to celebrate her life. And it was quite a life ...

She was so many things: a farmer's daughter, a World War II nurse, a Purple Heart recipient, a wife, mother, sister, aunt, friend, business owner, amateur artist, a collector, a cook, a volunteer. She was kind, generous, calm, caring. She was my grandma.

She liked having her family around. When we visited, she didn't just sit around. She walked in the lake with us. She took us to Sleeping Bear Dunes. We went to art fairs. We were her focus.

In a way, I'm ready. I am ready to give this special woman a fitting farewell. Her life was important, and we should recognize it, reflect on it and, yes, celebrate it. She was 92. She lived a long, good life. It was just the last two years that hadn't been her best, but she didn't suffer at the end. For that, we are thankful.

And yet the kid in me, who remembers all the good times spent with her on Crystal Lake isn't ready to let go of her grandma.

One more game of Old Maid. One more swim in the lake. One more laugh till you cry. One more shopping trip to Frankfort. One more homemade batch of applesauce. One more dinner at the Hungry Tummy. One more road trip to Illinois. One more Thanksgiving with her stuffing. One more back scratch. One more walk downtown. One more Fourth of July celebration. One more letter in the mail. One more hug.

One more goodbye.

For more about my grandmother: http://record-eagle.com/obituaries/x71343265/Madonna-Cussans